01.04.09

A Brit Speaks

Posted in Louise Rennison at 9:51 pm by Janet

Thank heavens! A real live British person has come to the rescue!  A friend who prefers to be known as “Lucianonymous” has shed some light on Georgia, her expressions, and her situation. Lucianonymous is neither female nor a teenager, but he is British and therefore somehow qualified to comment. Here’s what he had to say.

What is your experience with Scottish Wild Cats?
I was raised by them (not wolves) till the age of twenty-seven, but since then have had no contact with them.

What is a jammy dodger and have you ever eaten one?
It’s a small biscuit (cookie) whose centre is filled usually with raspberry or strawberry jam. I have eaten them, and do so in a strange and possibly illegal manner.

What was your high school like? Single sex or not? Did you wear uniforms and/or berets?
Catholic. Yes, all (only) girls and boys. Pupils had to wear a tie and slacks (or shorts). A school jacket and pullover were optional. No berets, more’s the pity. I was of course a rebel, so only wore black (including,
of course, a black turtleneck and shades) from the age of five through high school.

What do you think of when you hear the phrase “Tarts’ Wardrobe”?
A place where loose women congregate to apply make-up, swear, smoke cigarettes, and realign their cleavage.

Can you define shorts, pants, knickers, and y-fronts in British-ese?
Shorts are a truncated form of trousers (or pantaloons, as we called them). They are designed to cut off blood flow to the midsection and therefore prevent dirty thoughts. Typically, we wore them till the age of
about thirteen, after which age the authorities realised that constriction was pointless and possibly even dangerous.

Pants are male underwear – typically Y-fronts (so called because of the Y-shaped opening at their front). They were usually passed down from son to son to son to son to son, often in the space of a single week. Once they were beyond salvation, they were not thrown away, but burned.

Knickers are female underwear, though I from time to time —. They are often frilly. The only knickers I saw until the age of thirty-one were those hanging from old ladies’ washing lines. They tended to be very
large, and when they caught the wind ballooned to about the size of an ox.

Y-fronts are male knickers. Contrary to my previous explanation, they are called Y-fronts because when your mother confronted you with a ragged and somewhat musty pair and told you to put them, all you could say was “Why?”

Which boy should Georgia chose and why? The Sex God, Italian Stallion, or Dave the Laugh?
Dave the Laugh – because sex is ephemeral, gods don’t exist, and Italian men are whiny momma’s boys. And, to be pretentious: “Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.” – Mark Twain (who was Scottish).

2 Comments »

  1. The Tarts’ Wardrobe » Are These My Basoomas I See Before Me? said,

    December 4, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    [...] the new–and last–Georgia Nicolson book, I kept talking about it, so much so that Lucianonymous threatened to walk out on me. Since he won’t talk to me about Georgia, I’ll talk to you. [...]

  2. The Tarts’ Wardrobe » La Nouvelle Orleans said,

    June 11, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    [...] about you. I have just been very busy. Among other things, I’ve been on the road. Last month Lucianonymous and I drove down to New Orleans. New Orleans is like no other place I’ve been. Is it France? [...]

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